Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
