maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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