was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
