I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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