go do what you do best...puke behind churches
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did i walk over a car last night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
