I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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