marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
