She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
