woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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