I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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