At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
