It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
