i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
