I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
