my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
