i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
