I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
