That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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