dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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