she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
