At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Success! We fucked roommates!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
