you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
