well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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