My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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