Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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