she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
