Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
