Duck Duck Cougar?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
