I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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