...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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