im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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