I want to make a zoo with you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In America we eat man semen.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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