Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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