Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
