he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
