Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
