i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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