nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
