he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
