Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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