Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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