Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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