Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
