I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
