She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
