everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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