Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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