I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
