my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
