did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
