Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
