Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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