I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
