i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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