Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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