How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize