dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
