Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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