battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize