I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
