What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's like iHOP with fire
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
