im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
