I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
