I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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