Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
