remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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