waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im part way to drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
