Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
