The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't deserve a penis
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
