mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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