At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
