I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm like, not good at living.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
