are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
