Soap is not a condiment
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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