i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
